Crickets and Fireflies
Photo by Fukuda
Written Saturday night…
I’ve been feeling homesick these past few days… missing my mama and hubby and kitties and cable t.v. and the comfort and safety of “home.” I don’t wanna leave Nashville cause I’m in love with this town and having an amazing time, yet I’m feeling lonely. I went to see my new friend/songwriter coach play tonight at an event in a remote town outside of Nashville. He is possibly the best performer I’ve ever seen, very entertaining, and the place was packed with people… yet I felt lonely anyway. I started getting fearful about money and the future, and I started to feel bad for myself, like “poor me, I’m lonely”… So on my drive home I decided to stop along the road by this big field.
I thought, I haven’t had “me” time in a long time, where I just sit and be still. I’ve been trying to cram all this awesomeness into my days cause this has been my dream for so long, yet I’m a bit overwhelmed and I haven’t been refilling my “well” enough. So I pulled over and my immediate thought was, “this isn’t gonna work!” (what a baby I can be sometimes!). I turned off the car and the lights and opened the windows… and was flooded by this amazing sound and site… God’s symphony and light show!
I sit here now listening to the chorus of crickets and watching hundreds of fireflies brighten up sections of the dark. There is no light pollution here. I forgot that loneliness can sometimes be loneliness for myself… and I don’t feel the need to chase it away... So here i am… in a field in middle Tennessee with the crickets and fireflies, getting what I need, finally… hope you can hear the crickets and see the fireflies too! Till next time…
Don't be a "Germer!"
Bonnie Lee "Germing"
I think my favorite part about being here in Nashville is all the amazing people I’ve met. I go out every night to writer’s joints and meet the coolest people every time. Even though I’m a performer, I’ve found I can be shy at times (can you tell from the pictures?). But I’m getting better at being myself right away, and havin’ fun!
I was out the other night playing in a writer’s round, and the sound was horrible and I wasn’t in my zone, but I had the best time with all my new friends. I recognized a really sweet guy I had met a few weeks earlier, and we got to chatting. Someone had mentioned to me when I first met him that he has many #1 songwriting hits in his country. He came to the U.S. to write… and boy is he great! I also learned early on from the “old-timers” in Nashville to not be a “germer.” Now, a “germer” is someone who goes up to a hit songwriter, hands them their CD and says “Hey, wanna write with me??” So I knew enough not to ask my new friend to write, but I suggested if he needed a vocalist for any of his demos, I’d be happy to do them for him. He was thrilled! This networking thing is fun… I guess cause it really means making friends.
"Hey, wanna write with me?"
I went to this real cute venue outside of Nashville called Richards to play the open mic last Saturday afternoon. I was the only performer there cause it’s a new open mic, but it was fun anyway. The host Gary asked me if I wanted to join him later that evening in a writers round at the Commodore! Holy coolness! It’s a great venue that I’ve been wanting to play at. I’ll be joining Gary in another round there June 5th. Goes to show, just showing up is half the battle!
So I’m starting to look for a job… I have a few ideas. Sent my resume to two temp agencies, gonna apply at a preschool, or maybe even waitress! I’ve never waitressed in my life, find it funny cause I’m wicked clumsy. Who knows… but I’m running outta dough so gotta do something.
Shane joins me in 3 weeks, 2 days, but who’s counting??
Building Floats Down Rt 24, Nashville!
What a weekend! Survived this crazy rain storm, never seen anything like it. It’s strange, today Mother Nature’s acting like nothing happened just two days ago… it’s gorgeous out, 80 deg, not a cloud in the sky. The rain was cool to see when it started cause there was sooo much of it… until all the flooding began. We were okay in SE Nashville, only a few inches of water in the basement. But others weren’t as lucky! I gotta admit, I kinda chuckled when they said they close schools in TN for rain… but now I see why. Oops.
For Peeps Sake!!!
So, I got home last night around 11pm from a week trip back to CT. I went home to see my sweetie, to do 4 Anti-bullying Workshops for 5th & 6th graders, and to a celebration party for my boss. Was a real good time, however too busy!
I woke up this morning and was starving and forgot I hadn’t gone grocery shopping, so in a weak moment of lapsed judgment, I ate one of my roommate’s peeps! She had two of them on the counter waiting for them to get stale (likes them that way, kinda weird) and I ate one, and was like “Oh no… she was saving those!!!” They only come around once a year; and I ate it! Oh my gosh, I’ve been to Krogers Grocery store, Walgreens, Walmart and the dollar store, and no one has peeps.
Went online to find peeps, and found this instead, hehhee. Think I’m going to have to fess up, she comes home Monday from a short trip… if you have an extra peep hanging around that you don’t want, send it to me!! 
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Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?
So, I dyed my hair brown after being persuaded by my roommate, Keeley. She was shooting for red, but after she saw me hyperventilating, she settled on brown. I’m still getting used to seeing myself in the mirror. I don’t think I’ll stay brown, but it is an adventure. Made me wonder about the question, “do blondes have more fun?” After last night, I think I figured the answer out.
So, I was at this writer’s night competition, called ‘The Rising Star,’ at Puckets Grocery and Restaraunt. I decided last minute to go. In this competition, the audience rate each performer on a scale from 1-5. Here are the choices…
1. Anyone got some ear plugs?
2. Don’t quit your day job!
3. OK for late night with a six pack in you!
4. Good as gravy!!
5. Holy @#$%! Give me another one!
Well, after I played I glanced over at my neighbor’s score board (nosy me), and she gave me a 3! Basically, she could only enjoy my music if she was drunk! She then proceeded to tell me how great I was. Needless to say, my ego was a little hurt. It didn’t matter that I felt good about my performance or that her opinion is none of my business, instead, all that mattered was the #3.
Later that evening an older gentleman came up to me and told me that I was born for the stage. I shined when I performed. We got to talking about spirituality and basically he said he could see God in me when I performed. Now, could there be any better compliment?? I don’t think so… but now I had a choice. What did I want to focus on… the #3, or God shining through me? I hate to tell you that last night, I chose #3. I let it bog me down and question what I’m doing here (how silly am I?). But I didn’t stay there long; I started to write a song called, “Through Your Eyes,” about wanting to see myself through God’s eyes, not through mine or the world’s eyes (see lyrics below).
My little experience taught me that it doesn’t matter my hair or skin color, what I’m wearing, the things I own or who likes me… it matters what I pick… the #3 or God shining through me. I choose God today.
THROUGH YOUR EYES
[Panda]
Through my eyes, I see a girl not good enough
She’s a jagged ol’ rock, unpolished and rough
Never adds up, no matter what she tries
That’s what I see when I look at me through my eyes
Chorus
But through your eyes God, I’m beautiful
Through your eyes I shine like a sunrise
The light from the dark, you polish my heart into a delicate diamond
I wanna see me, through your eyes
Through their eyes, it’s money that makes me alright
I’m either better or worse, than the next guy
Put a smile on, hide behind my disguise
That’s what I see when I look at me though their eyes
Chorus
But through your eyes God, I’m beautiful
‘N through your eyes I shine like a sunrise
The light from the dark, you polish my heart into a delicate diamond
I wanna see me, through your eyes
It's Tough Being Green!!
Shanie’s coming to visit me tomorrow morning, less then 24 hours!!!! Wahoo!!!
Last night I went to watch the Writer’s Night at the Commodore Grille in downtown Nasvhille. I sat by myself until two nice Canadian’s asked if they could join me. Super nice guys traveling through on work. I had gone to the Commodore to see this performer named Guy Gilchrist, who moved to Nashville a year ago from Connecticut. He’s a great writer and performer (www.guygilchristmusic.com), but you may know him as the cartoonist of Nancy . So I went to see him perform and after the show I kinda attacked him (I’m still learning) to show him my Kermit the Frog drawing, which I drew after watching his video online.
My Kermit!
My Kermit!
Guy Gilchrist's Kermit
Guy Gilchrist's Kermit
Okay, so I won’t quit my day job!
At least not for drawing!
But it got me his card! (not that that means much).
Super nice guy.
Then someone pointed out Jim Weatherly in the back of the room, who wrote the song “Leaving on a Midnight Train to Georgia.” I couldn’t figure out which one he was, so my new friends and I looked him up on my trusty iPhone. I tried to hold his picture up next to him nonchalantly, however I’m not very smooth when famous people are around me (I’m not really smooth ever). It was the wrong guy! I drank too many diet cokes and was very silly. Then the real Jim Weatherly walked by me and said hi and I spilled my water on myself.
Sometimes I think I ooze dorkness… it’s a good thing you all love me for it!
www.BonnieLeePanda.com
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Play already!
So, it’s been a week and a half since I began my journey down South, and it wasn’t until yesterday that I finally picked up my guitar to play! I have been so busy trying to get down here, tying up all the loose ends, then going to workshops and seeing everyone else perform, that I haven’t been able to play myself. After singing a few songs I thought, “so this is why I moved 1100 miles away!” This is the table outside I love to sit at, shaded from the sun… and minus the oak tree pollen flying everywhere, which my body decided it was allergic to, it’s perfect for playing/writing!’
It’s funny, there’s that one thing that I love to do more then anything… play and write music, yet I find myself doing everything but! For example, today I decided I was gonna work on a new song I’m writing for a friend for his 50th birthday party. I can’t find the pile of papers that I wrote my notes on, so instead of coming up with different ideas, I cleaned out my car, put away a bunch of boxes, ate breakfast, wrote my morning pages, checked my email, went on FaceBook, bought a plane ticket for my short visit home, ate lunch, played with the puppies, made the bed, unmade the bed and climbed on in, climbed out, went on FaceBook… now I’m writing my blog… but no songwriting!
Reminds me of the definition of insanity… “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.” Okay, I’m going to attempt to be a little less insane, go out on the porch and do some writing. What have you been procrastinating on?? Or do you have any good suggestions for me?!?
I Made It!!!
I made it to Nashville!! What an adventure! My new roommates Keeley and Xuan are adorable, they treated me to a fabulous homemade dinner my first night. Keeley’s house is real cute with a deck outside perfect for writing! I fell in love with her two dogs, TG and Oh Joe (on the left). It’s funny where the name Oh Joe came from… Keeley’s friend Joe brought the puppy over to her house as a present and Keeley’s response was, “Oh Joe, I can’t have another dog,” hence the name ‘Oh Joe!’
I just finished a 2-day interactive seminar (Thurs and Fri, April 1-2) covering the craft and business of songwriting. One of my favorite parts was meeting new friends at my lunch table! It’s a great time to build relationships, when people are stuffing their faces… people are always happy then! I know I am! Now the challenge is what to do with all those business cards! Each day we heard from hit songwriter’s who gave powerful workshops on their songwriting process, as well as performing a few of their songs. Some of these artists included Tia Sillers (Lee Ann Womack, “I Hope You Dance”), Jessi Alexander (Miley Cyrus, “The Climb,”) and Jonathan Cain (Journey, “Open Arms” & “Who’s Cryin Now”)!
The main things I took from the seminar were:
1. Write, write, write!
2. Don’t be afraid to write crap, because crap makes the best fertilizer!
3. Be fearless in how stupid you can be.
4. Always be a student.
5. Art doesn’t care how old you are.
6. Emote honesty & be true to yourself.
7. Find Your voice!
All great reminders!
I had the song I wrote for Shanie for our wedding, “Our First Dance,” evaluated by a publisher Pennie Dionne from Little Vixen Music (represents no 1 songwriters for artist like Toby Keith and Martina McBride). She said she loved my voice! and she gave me great advice about how to tighten that song up and how to market it to the wedding market.
Anywho, enjoy these little clips of the great songwriters I saw, and I”ll be in touch soon!
Hungry Mama!
After visiting my brother in NYC and my friend in DC, I headed to Marion Virginia to go hiking at Hungry Mother State Park… hehe, no lie, that’s the name. I’m curious how they came up with that silly name. I texted Shane (service was terrible) and told him I made it to the ‘Hungry Mama.’
I wanted to really center myself in nature before heading to Nashville. And because I don’t know moderation, I took the hardest hike, 5.7 miles around the lake. I figured a nice relaxing hike on flat land around a beautiful lake would be awesome after being in the car for so long. The terrain was anything but flat! But it sure felt good for my stiff muscles… for about the first 4 miles… then I got tired.
I gotta get myself in shape (my new roommate is the director for “Team Green Adventures,” an organization I’m excited to join while I’m down here. They go hiking, rock climbing, white water rafting, crewing, etc. Very exciting!
I’m about a half hour away from Nashville, my new temporary home. I’m a little nervous, trying to stay in the moment and not put so much pressure on myself to accomplish all my goals at once (co-writing with as many people as I can, get better at writing, performing, recording a CD, networking, etc). One thing at a time, I have to remind myself. Even just writing this makes me feel better. I’m gonna start with meeting my new roommates, unpacking and getting ready for the Nashville Spring Training, tomorrow and Friday. It’s an 8 hour a day workshop on songwriting. Doesn’t get better than that for me!
Thanks for listening and being with me!
Saying goodbye to CT (for a little while, that is)!
This is the gorgeous guitar cake my friend Evie made for me, for my good-bye/going away party at my job at Yale. My boss and co-workers/friends totally blew me away last week with the love and support they showered me with, saying, “you go girl!” I will miss them all terribly. Not everyone gets the gift of going into work everyday, and enjoying everyone you work with… but I did! You should’ve seen and tasted the chocolate covered strawberries and stuffed breads, to name a few… just to say goodbye to me. I was, and still am, very touched.
So, my husband Shane (aka Shanie) and I have been talking about my dream of living in Nashville to work on my music career, since this past August. We visited music city on our trip down South, after we did some hiking in the Smokey Mountains and Shenandoah Valley. I felt such a pull to be in Nashville, to be a part of the music scene, yet I felt like I lost my chance. How could I ask my husband, whom I adore, to totally alter his plans, or to leave my loving family and friends, my job, my students, Connecticut, everything that’s comfortable and safe, etc… it just wasn’t an option. Until Shane said to me, after he saw me glowing , “you need to be here.”
When we opened it up to the universe, doors and windows started opening. Yale graciously allowed me to take a leave of absence till the middle of August (I will then get laid off, which was to happen anyway), I get to use my stored up vacation time, we have insurance, a room to lease in Nashville, etc, etc. Shane’ll be joining me the end of May, and we’ll stay till the middle of August. We’ll then head back to CT in time for Shane’s school (3.8 GPA, he’s getting a history high school education degree, I’m not proud or anything ;o).
A good friend of mine told me once, “if you want to know if something is God’s will, your stomach is your barometer. Do you feel an urgency, like, ‘I HAVE to do this right NOW…? Then it’s probably your will (unless you’re dodging an oncoming car, of course!). But, if instead you feel gently led, then it’s probably God’s will.”
That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, of course. But I don’t feel like I’m swimming up stream right now, more like treading with the current. I did feel yesterday when I was about to leave to drive down, “can’t I just skip over the actual going part, and just say I did it?” I got the courage somehow and left last night. I stayed with my brother and his girlfriend in NYC for the night, and had lunch with a girlfriend in DC this afternoon. I’m now relaxing in bed at a motel in Harrisonburg VA, about to go to sleep. I’m peaceful… and excited. Thanks for joining me on this journey!
